- Global estimates published by WHO indicate that about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Women’s motives for speaking out about sexual assault are not to destroy men’s lives, not to be political pawns, or to be a nuisance. We are simply the wives, sisters, mothers and daughters who are survivors of sexual abuse, driven mad by the collective insanity of what is considered normal and acceptable to in our culture.
There is no statute of limitations for when we must speak up. Trauma creates an emotional wound. Sexual trauma is horrific. We don’t want to talk about what someone did to us. We bury it. We want it to go away. We wish it didn’t happen to us, so we deny it, even to ourselves. We pretend we weren’t violated. We pretend we didn’t “participate” in such a filthy act. We deny the act and in doing so we deny the part of ourselves that it happened to, destroying our sense of self and security.
We move on, trying to live normal lives, but the shame of what was done to us has left its mark forever. It changes our personality. Trust is compromised, with ourselves and with others. We feel unworthy of love and question if it was all somehow our fault. We become masters of disguise but eventually there comes a day when the mounting pressure within is just too much to take. So we either tell our story or take our secret to the grave, sometimes taking matters into our own hands.
Wounds want to heal. Wounds need to heal. It is disgraceful to insinuate a woman coming forward to speak her truth is doing so for reasons other than integrity and to begin the long process of healing. Or in this case, to vocalize her concerns of a man who is being considered to sit “honorably” for the rest of his life on the Supreme Court.
If I’m being honest, it is infuriating to be in the category of women who have been sexually abused, assaulted, molested, or raped and hear people sit back and ask the question, “If it’s true, why didn’t she bring it up when it happened?” I’ll tell you why. Shame, fear of getting in trouble and a crippling fear of not being believed. And in the case of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, I imagine all of her fears are being realized because one cannot say, “I believe you were assaulted but I don’t believe it’s the person you named”. We know who our abusers are. This is not a confusing detail we forget after many years of aching silence. It is burned into us.
We are standing at the crossroads of Humanity. How will we move forward? Will we continue to govern with systematic fear and force, objectifying women as play things? Or do we write a new script? A kinder and more compassionate script. An inclusive script. One that truly represents “We the People” and values all human life equally.
Every day, We the People, have the opportunity to choose what we allow, what we contribute to this world and how we demonstrate our values. I’m tired of being quiet, being scared and giving my power to men. This insular behavior where men get to be right and women must petition for equality needs to stop now. We all have voices that deserve to be heard. Now is a time for both women and men to be brave and stand up for what is right and what is acceptable for the greatest good of all.
I will be 40 years old in two months. I have carried my secret almost my entire lifetime. Today, I honor the beautiful child within who did not ask for this. Today, I honor all women and I stand with all women who have survived the worst, while their abusers were defended. Today, I honor myself, acknowledging my whole story, my whole self, and today I set myself free.
“When we give in the world what we want the most, we heal the broken part inside each of us.” Eve Ensler
