https://m.facebook.com/HaveArtWillTravel/videos/1089835891053219/
Hello My Friends!
This video features my beautiful cousin, Paige Ferro. It is a compelling seven minute perspective on labels. I’m not going to lie, when I first watched her performance, I was shocked. Shocked and envious all at the same time. It was so bold and brave! My head swirled with thoughts of “I could never do that… I could never be that open… That would be absolutely terrifying!”.
After watching the video I went about my day but I couldn’t shake the powerful, alluring feeling that remained. It was fascinating to me that she could speak so fearlessly. I loved seeing the real Paige and it was clear she had found her true self because there was no label that could contain her. I felt her beauty. The thought of exposing my soul in that way sent waves of panic though me. But why? Aren’t we all incredibly, magnificently different and complex? Isn’t that what makes each one of us shine so brightly? I realized that the alluring feeling stirring inside of me was… Me, begging to be let out.
When I was a child I was very concerned with what other people thought of me. I questioned, “Am I doing everything “right” and being “good” and fitting in?” I grew up being perceived or labeled as “shy”. But I don’t even know if I was shy – because it was fear that was at the root of my shyness. A crippling fear of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing and being judged by others. So I hid myself away, only coming out when I was in the safe presence of my loved ones.
These fearful attitudes and feelings became the theme of my life and continued around God and religion. Am I the “right” religion and if I became friends with new people would I come off as too “churchy” and be judged if I said anything about God? I remember being very young and having conversations with God. As soon as I could write I wrote songs and filled diaries with messages of God and love. I grew up in the Catholic church but where I felt closest to God was in nature and in the quiet moments.
As a teenager I began to realize I am inherently attracted to things that are different from me. I am fascinated by other cultures and I began exploring different spiritual texts and learning more about other religious beliefs. I didn’t notice it at the time, but whenever I would talk to someone about a belief outside of our accepted religion/Bible/God it was often labeled as false and I was told OUR God is the one and only true God. I remember wondering how that would make the “other” people feel to hear someone say their God wasn’t real.
Throughout my youth I let my happiness and my beliefs hinge on the approval and opinions of others. Today, I just want to be me. Unabashedly me! Me, without the worry of pleasing or disappointing, without second guessing or explaining myself away. I know my purpose is to write because these are not my words. They are a gift that comes through me from an invisible place. I’ve resisted this gift because it is not “traditional” and speaks a different spiritual truth than how I was raised. It doesn’t have roots in a church and I worry what “they” will think and how I will be labeled. My gift is wrapped in a blanket of fear and the only way to fully embrace it is to peel away the layers.
First I had to start with me. I had to learn how to love and value myself. I had to ask myself what was true and what I made up. I am now learning how to show myself and others unconditional love and kindness. I am learning how to forgive myself when I make mistakes and now I laugh at the things that threaten my happiness. I am learning how to live from my heart.
There is an infinite world of possibilities within each and every one of us. I have found this mystical world within myself in moments of meditation that transcend any traditional knowledge of God or religion, and because of my personal experience, I know it to be real. This language of Spirit has no words. It is feeling. It is the deepest sense of love I have ever known. It is a sense of Oneness and knowing I am connected to everyone and everything seen and unseen… It is God as I know It.
I realize I’m doing what everyone says not to do by discussing religion, but this is me being brave. This is me “coming out” and inviting in all of my worst fears. The biggest one being, will I be judged for being me? Maybe. But I like the feeling of being in on the secret. The secret of being me. I am the only one who truly knows what I know, how I feel, why I came to earth and what I am here to accomplish. That is between me and my higher self.
We all have fears. We all have been labeled, either by the way we perceive ourselves or the way others see us. But when you look at your fears, your labels or your beliefs about yourself, ask this one question: Is it true? I have found most of my fears are not true and it’s the lies we tell ourselves that keep us locked up in self-imposed prisons. And the truth is the key. Ah, the truth will set you free! Only you know your truth. Be brave and speak it.
Thank you, Paige, for being you! Thank you for inspiring me and encouraging me to be brave too.
