Hello My Friends!
What if today you found out that nothing happening to you is really a negative experience? What if you accepted that every detail happening in your life has been perfectly planned out for you? You just get to choose how you react to it. What if experiences are being hand-picked for your maximum learning and growth while on this planet?
Two weeks ago I had an experience that has forever changed me. Something seemingly horrible, and certainly gruesome, happened to me that has challenged the way I view a crisis. And the most mind-blowing thing is, I asked for it.
To backtrack just a bit, about year ago something shifted within me that ignited a search for inspiration and meaning in everything I encounter. I am marching on a continuous path, determined to conquer past fears and limitations (usually self-imposed) to get to the good stuff. During this search for self, the real me, I eventually found myself standing at the highest point of familiarity. My choice? Go back down to familiar ground or take a leap into the vast expanse. I chose to dive head first into uncharted territory.
I had recently been listening to Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra speak about observing impermanence and finding peace and happiness in the present moment. I loved Deepak Chopra’s parting words. To paraphrase, he said: The present moment is the only moment that never ends. Situations and circumstances around the present moment will change, but the present moment won’t change. It’s timeless, it’s transcendent, it’s eternal… The most important time in your life is now. The most important person in your life is the one you are with right now. The most important activity in your life is the one you are involved with now.
I was trimming the bushes with the electric hedge trimmers in my front yard two weeks ago. My friend, Nikki, and her two daughters came over to show us their new puppy. The kids were in the backyard with the puppy and Nikki was helping me clean up out front. I was leaned over trimming the last bush when a shocking surge of energy radiated from my brain through my whole body. Although I felt no pain, something told me to stop.
In a moment that felt like a dream, I realized I had cut my hand. My thoughts couldn’t make sense of what my eyes showed to be reality. “Is this real? There is a lot of blood. Is this really happening right now?” I dropped the hedge trimmers in the grass, covered my bleeding left hand with my right hand and pulled it in close to me. “How bad is it,” I wondered. “I don’t want to look. I think all of my fingers are still on.” It didn’t hurt initially but once I glanced at my injury, my mind started to race, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh… I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t want the kids to be scared… I need to stay calm.”
I stopped myself and thought of Eckhart Tolle. Instead of allowing myself to freak out, I tried observing my present moment without assigning “good” or “bad”. “Ok… I am in this moment. It is undesirable. I am experiencing pain. It’s starting to hurt now. But, in the grand scheme of things, pain is an illusion. This is only temporary. I can get through this. Right now I am experiencing the worst of it. It will only get better from here. Soon they will numb my hand. Soon they will stitch my hand. After that, my hand will begin to heal.”
“Nikki,” I said as I walked over to where she was sweeping up trimmings. “You need to take me to the hospital. I just cut my hand really bad,” I said calmly. Perplexed, she asked, “Are you serious? You didn’t even scream. Are you sure it’s that bad? First, let me get you a towel.”
I sat down, took one look and said, “Yep, we need to go.” My mind was still racing, but strangely in a calm. I knew the neighbors across the street were home and could watch the kids if needed, but Nikki was already reading my mind. “Ok, I’ll leave my phone with the kids.” she said. “What a relief,” I thought. I knew the kids would be fine and Dustan would be home in an hour. I was starting to feel faint so I grabbed a water bottle and climbed into Nikki’s car while she scrambled to find my phone and my purse.
I told Nikki, aka the most important person in my life right now, “I don’t need to go to the ER just take me to Primary Health Urgent Care.” and I must admit, I was surprised by my cool demeanor. With my seat reclined, and my pulse throbbing in my fingers, I gave her step by step directions to the closest Primary Health.
I wish I could say that once we arrived at Primary Health, the rest was a blur and I was stitched up in no time. That was not exactly the case. The adrenaline was wearing off and the spiking pain was now coming in sharp pulses as I waited to see the doctor. The nurse unwrapped the towel from my fingers and asked me what happened before telling me sarcastically, “You did a really good job.” The hedge trimmer had badly cut my index, pointer and ring fingers on my left hand. The index and middle fingers were really “chewed up” and ultimately required 13 stitches.
I practiced staying in the present moment, reflecting on Eckhart Tolle’s words, ” Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obsticle to overcome. Since the present moment is life itself, it is an insane way to live.” So believe it or not, I attempted to find joy and gratitude in the present moment. Nikki was also instrumental in helping with that, pointing out all the reasons this was my lucky day! Such as: I’m grateful for modern medicine, I wasn’t home alone with my kids when this happened, my ring finger didn’t need stitches, I didn’t cut my wedding ring, I didn’t break any bones, I didn’t hit any tendons and all of my fingers were still attached!
It was only when the doctor began stitching me up that I became overwhelmed with emotion. GRATITUDE. He was telling me how bad the injury was, “The middle finger will definitely scar since it’s difficult to stitch something together where there is nothing there.” I replied, “I don’t care if it scars. Thank you so much for stitching me up. I am so grateful. Thank you.” That was what brought on the tears. Pure, loving, sincere, appreciative, gratitude.
Before I even left the doctor’s office I just had this knowing that what happened to me was a gift. In the days that followed I spent a lot of time resting and reflecting on why exactly this was happening in my life. I opened my journals and read my words that repeated on various pages over and over again. “God, use me…. I want to be of service…. I’m open to anything You ask of me.” And there it was. Confirmation of what I already knew deep down. This is a gift that I asked for; an answer to my prayer.
A gift can often be masked as something negative, but that doesn’t mean that it is or has to be. Imagine how different your world would be if you chose to see each struggle or conflict as your “lesson for the day/week”. These irritating things hindering the present moment will never stop coming because this IS life! Life IS the present moment chalked full of experiences for us to endure, cherish, appreciate and overcome! Remember the words of Deepak Chopra: The present moment is the only moment that never ends. Situations and circumstances around the present moment will change, but the present moment won’t change.
Pause for a moment and realize; you are being blessed with gifts from God/the Universe every day. Your prayers are being answered. I did not quite expect mine to be answered in this way, but it was. The way I see it, if I can change the way I view negative events in my life, I can set myself free. Free of fear, stress, worry, resentment, suffering, hatred, judgement, defeat, self-pity, blame, one-upmanship… the list could go on and on!
I think opportunities for growth frequently pose as something “screwing up your life that you don’t have time for”, but what if you challenged yourself to find the deeper meaning in the moment? I have struggled through this injury physically, mentally and emotionally but I still choose to see everything in my life as a gift, or a lesson (which I still ultimately view as a gift). This experience has taught me to give thanks for EVERYTHING happening in my life. Even a tragedy.
Although it’s difficult to explain, but I am humbled and grateful for the pain I felt. Now I am able to understand how others feel and experience pain in a way that would not have been possible without physically enduring this injury. From this experience, I have gained a deep sense of empathy and compassion for the complexities that arise when we, as humans, experience a crisis. I don’t know exactly why this experience was chosen for me, and maybe I never will, but I am learning and growing and I will continue to be thankful for it.
We all knew this when we were kids, but don’t forget; it hurts to grow.
